We are geeky sexual deviants and this is our blog where we discuss fetishes, bondage, sex toys and the development of our our social network for sexual deviants like ourselves, FetLife.com.
Sometimes two kids, no matter how much adult intervention there is, just can’t get along. When this happens the adults just have to make sure to keep the two kids as far apart as possible to prevent problems from occurring.
Believe it or not, this happens among adults as well, so I had to develop a “Block User” feature that allows users to block one another when they just can’t get along.
So what happens when you block another user on FetLife you do not get along with:
all conversations, wall-posts, comments on pictures, etc. between you two will be deleted;
you will not be able to contact one another anymore;
you will not be able to see each other’s full profile, just a mini-profile with only your nickname, location and avatar on it… nothing else.
I also watch the block list so that if someone is being blocked by many different people I can start asking questions.
How do I block a kinkster I am not getting along with you ask? Go to their profile and under their picture click “Block”… it is as simple as that!
I have been exchanging emails back and forth with TwistedA and he just recently introduced me to a new term: Heteroflexible
‘Heteroflexible’ was a term that BlackOrchid introduced to me, to help me better self-identify. My understanding is that it basically says to the world, “yes, I’m a person who loves people of the other sex (=heterosexual) but I’m also a very open-minded person who won’t rule out some sort of sexual encounter at some point with a person of the same sex”. Thus, giving rise to the combination of the two words “heterosexual” and “flexible”. It also suggests that while I may normally prefer the opposite sex I’m not entirely “straight” in the traditional sense.
The reason I like that term so much is that the other similar terms don’t really ring true for me. To me, ‘bisexual’ means someone who’s interested in exploring not only occasional contact but also fully realized relationships with people of both genders. To me, ‘bi-curious’ seems like someone who hasn’t made up their mind yet. It could mean someone who really isn’t sure whether or not they might want those contacts and relationships someday so is leaving the door open. And that’s why I’m not really comfortable identifying with either of those terms.
Whereas ‘heteroflexible’, in my mind, sets a clear definition of who I am and what possibilities I’m leaving open. I’m not really bi, but I have made up my mind. So I’m neither of the other two terms. I primarily identify as a heterosexual, but I’m completely open-minded about interacting with another guy, though am not interested in a true bi-sexual relationship.
I really think popularizing this term heteroflexible is very important. There is a big gap between bi-curious and bi-sexual and Heteroflexible fills it.
For me bisexual means you like both sexes equally and bi-curious means you have never been with the opposite sex before but once you are you might consider liking both men and women equally once you do try.
Part of me even says we do not even need bi-curious anymore. Bi-curious is not a sexual orientation, it just means you want to be sexual with someone of the opposite sex so you can requestion your sexual orientation and bi-curious is not a sexual orientation by itself.
I have gotten a couple really interesting emails from people that is leading me to requestion the sexual orientations that are listed on FetLife. This is good! :-)
UPDATE: Thanks to MasterABD for looking up Heteroflexible in the Urban Dictionary for us:
“A person who enjoys sex with both male & females but considers themselves heterosexual in the sense that they do not relate with the same sex for an emotional relationship like a bi-sexual could. Heteroflexible is a heterosexual person that is beyond the bi-curious stage but would never engage in an emotional relationship with the same sex.”
Where did I go you ask? Not far at all, I just didn’t really do any development work last week. I spent most of my time relaxing, getting outside and thinking! And that is a good thing! :-)
I am back to development work though today and hope to start moving ahead on things that have been promised to you guys a while ago with at least one improvement coming before the end of the day tomorrow! :-)
OMG I was splitting my gut listening to you and PizzaBabe. The both of you compliment each other on the Podcast. I was laughing so hard I was crying. Too Fkn funny I’ll take Pizzababe in when she comes to Montreal not a problem.
ok now for the anal stuffing in the mouth….. Gross… wipe your dick before stuffing it in someones mouth please the shit on there is just nasty
Well, except for the anal direct to mouth part that PizzaBabe is into… that is just gross Pizza… how could you ever do that! :-p.
and I was hoping you could help me out. I am looking for “the best of” books on BDSM, Fetishes, Sexual Orientation and Gender. I am not looking for fiction, I am looking for books that are academic in nature. Books that cover theory, history and psychology. I doubt I will find one book that covers all three neither was I thinking that I could read just one book and feel like I “knew it all”. I am just looking for a good place to start. :-)
Does anyone have any suggestions or know what books are the “have to reads” for people interested in BDSM, Fetishes and Sexual Orientation and Gender?
I am sure you remember when you first signed up to FetLife and you asked yourself: “ok, now how do I see if I know anyone on FetLife?”.
Quickly you realized there was no easy way. You had to go from state to state… province to province… and see if you recognized anyone you knew. Great first impression we left on you didn’t we? Don’t answer the question please! :-)
You won’t have to go through that pain again, unless of course you are a sadist, wait, we have a lot of those here. But I digress.
New members and old can now from FetLife’s home page click on “Find & Invite Your Friends” and by just entering your email address and password (for your email account) we can show you which contact of yours are on FetLife and with the click of one button request their friendship.
After you request friendship with your contacts you can invite your other friends not on FetLife to FetLife.
I recommend you use the Friend Finder once a month to see if any of your friends recently signed up to FetLife.
Try out our Fried Finder and tell me what you think.
I have seen a spoof this good in a long time! Rubber 55, a latex clothing company, did a spoof of MTV’s cribs… if you are into latex you have to check it out:
Almost 80,000 people have watched the video on YouTube alone. Very impressive numbers, especially for something like Latex that is not that “mainstream”.
You have to love their tagline from the end of the clip: “What happens behind closed doors is our business.”
Rubber 55 seems to have a really great collection of Latex clothing. You should check out their site.
What I am going to do at the starting of each week is blog about what I plan on working on for that week.
Why would I do that? For thre reasons: One, even though I am extremely opinionated in where I want FetLife to go, I also want to be as transparent as possible. My priorities have been driven by the community and I have either gotten new ideas or improvements to existing ideas based on my feedback from everyone. Two, I want to set expectations, I want you to know what I am working on so you can get excited. Three, so I have someone to answer to if I slack off, I have a boss and that is you, does that mean I have to answer to all your needs, definitely not, but I at least have to try to understand them so I can see if I can answer to them directly or indirectly or just outright explain why I am not going to work on it.
So, what am I working on this week? I am working on two major things, one is based on feedback from you and the other I hope will free up more of my time so I can spend it working on the site:
Upgrading The Inbox
Right now your inbox is a barebones inbox. By the end of the week you will be able to archive messages in your inbox as well as see all messages you have sent. The two features that have been the most requested. You better be happy about this one! :-)
Create An Invitation System
For this month I set a goal of 30 new members a day. We succeeded the last 3 days… only 28 days left to go, we can do it!
To increase the chance of making this goal I am going to create an invitation system that allows users with a hotmail, yahoo or gmail account to enter their username and password and grab the email addresses of people they want to invite to the site and have FetLife send an invitation to them! Very similar to what sites likes Twitter and Facebook have.
Plus minor fixes and small improvements
And of course, every week I always work on small little fixes and improvements that I can make quickly.
So that is what I am working on this week. Anything you want me to take into consideration while I work on these two things?
Today is Day 1 of me working full-time on FetLife. Working full-time on growing Fetlife the site, on growing a community of kinksters who are into or curious about BDSM & Fetishes and on growing a business so that FetLife can continue to grow and respond to the needs of the community that I have grown to love and care for so much.
Wowa John, what just happened? I outgrew my previous job and I was at a crossroad, do I go find another job which will most likely take the little time I already have to spend on FetLife away from me or do I follow my passion and dream and “just do it”.
It was not a hard decision to make. All I had to do was ask myself one question:
If I decide not to work on FetLife full-time and put 100% of my energy and time into the project to see where I can take it will I have any regrets 20 years from now?
The answers was a big YES!
So here I am on day 1 of me working full-time on growing FetLife. Wish us luck! :-)
Definitely not me of late, I have just been getting way to many great ideas from you guys and have not had anytime to have some kinky fun! But don’t feel bad for me (I know you weren’t) and don’t stop sending me in your ideas because most of them have been great… except for Fred’s of course, but I never expect much from him!
I just launched our latest biggish addition to FetLife. Many people have complained there was no open way to communicate with their friends on FetLife so we added a wall to each kinkster’s profile.
What is a wall you ask? You can equate a wall to either a fridge door where people leave open messages to their roommates/flatmates/familymates. Or, if your into the dirty stuff, and I know I am, you can equate it to writing on a bathroom stall. But this is a special bathroom stall, only your friends can use the stall and write on the walls. Ok, I have to stop with the analogy thing, it is not working so well! :-)
Log onto FetLife, go to one of your friend’s profile and leave them a message on their wall.
Keep in touch with your fetish friends, meet new kinksters, discover new fetishes and find out what is happening this weekend in your local fetish community. FetLife is a social utility like Facebook and mySpace only FetLife is run by sexual deviants. We think it is more fun that way. Don't you?