We are geeky sexual deviants and this is our blog where we discuss fetishes, bondage, sex toys and the development of our our social network for sexual deviants like ourselves, FetLife.com.
RWilkinsIII over at sexblogconspiracy had the following to say about FetLife:
Fetlife - although it’s new - has the potential to do to AFF and ALT what Craigslist did to the New York Times.
I couldn’t of said it better what we are trying to accomplish over here!
I am at a cross-road and I am having problems making up my mind. I was hoping you might be able to help me by answering the following question:
If I was to only add one more feature to Fetlife, what would it be and why?
For gender we split trans into “Trans - Male to Female” and “Trans - Female to Male”.
For role we added Top, Bottom and Fetishist. We also came to the conclusion that we will have to add other eventually and allow people to write in what they want.
For D/s Relationship Status we added unowned and Protecting (opposite of under protection of). Unowned is like single but for the subs in D/s world!
Are we missing anything?
For the record, I do not drink coffee, I do not even know what it tastes like. I was just born with way too much energy!
After a really great conversation with DevotedPhoenix, to be read she was the teacher and I the very studious student, she convinced me that I really need to re-think the choices we give kinksters or their gender, role (sexually) and sexual orientation.
I felt the easiest one to do first was sexual orientation. Here is the original list we had:
And this is our new list of sexual orientations that you can choose from that went online a couple minutes ago:
John, get to the point, what changed:
Added Hetroflexible I love the term heteroflexible. There are the more official definitions of heteroflexible but I prefer the way I explain it. Heteroflexible to me is someone who will only date, marry and get into emotional relationships with someone of the opposite sex but if a someone of the same sex wants to give them head they won’t discriminate. Ok, it is more complicated then that but you get my drift.
Removed Bi-curious Bi-curious… what is bi-curious? Have you tried it or not? Bi-curious is less of what you are and more of a call out to tell people you want to experiment. Bi-curious, to me, is just a weird term. When I was 13 I was straight, was I ever with a girl? No. But I was straight because that is what best described how I was attracted to people. Put what you feel you are and not what you want to try for your sexual orientation. open for debate
Added Lesbian and Queer What can I say about this one other then I am sorry. I should of known better. In my life I have had a lot of gay male friends but never any lesbians or queer friends so I guess I just could not relate because of my limited life experiences. I hope to fix this though!
Removed Trisexual I had a choice and I made it. I decided to be correct instead of funny! One of the very few times I will choose correct over funny!
So what does everyone think? Log-in to your account and change your status!
Also, a big thank you to TwistedA and BlackOrchid for introducing me to the term Heteroflexible.
I didn’t realize how much I would like it until I deployed it last night and started to use it!
From the top right hand corner of every page on FetLife you have the ability to search through people, places and fetishes.
Unfortunately, I had to remove the home link from the navigation bar but I have an idea on how I can put it back. Hopefully I will get to put it back today.
and the compliment has nothing to do with my english skills…
Is John going to be on this podcast? He is awesome, you two are like peas and carrots! Don’t get me wrong I do miss Sin but John is cooler than the ice in a skating rink!
Now how is that for street cred missy!
Psst… I am a big looser in real life… just don’t tell anyone.
Listen to me on PizzaBabe’s podcast (I am on every second time… kind of…)
My alter ego, Fred: “Having to always enter in your username and password every time you come to FetLife?”
Me: “Umm… yeah… that is annoying… but that is not what I was trying to get at… but thanks for the reminder dick!”
You know what really annoys me? When I look at someone’s profile and wonder to myself if I ever spoke to this person before and if so what the hell did we speak about. You see where I am going with this don’t you?
Now, when you look at a user’s profile, if you have spoken to them before, right underneath “Message <Nickname>”, there will be a link titled “Our Conversations”. Click on it and presto, a list of your previous conversations with that person.
I would like to thank my mother, my father, my grade 2 teacher Miss Spacey, my cousin three times removed and my stuffed animal Socrates who is no longer with us for encouraging me to pursue this feature. Thank you. Music starts, exit stage left.
Most requested features have been taken care of. Giving the user the ability to clean up their inbox and seeing the conversations they started! :-)
After you respond to an email you can archive it using the “archive conversation” button at the bottom of the conversation. It is that simple.
Why archive and not delete? Just in case you ever need to go back to it! :-)
Why can’t I bulk archive messages? Part of me is lazy and the other part of me prefers you to at least look at the message before you archive them! Just out of politeness to the people who took the time to message you :-). It sucks for those who have been on the site for a while but look at the bright side… at least you do not have approx. 500 messages in your inbox like I do! :-)
Want to see a message that you archived or all the messages you sent out? It is easy… just click on “view: All Mail” from your inbox.
You might also notice something different happens when you respond to a message. Check it out, tell me what you think! :-)
Happy?
Sometimes two kids, no matter how much adult intervention there is, just can’t get along. When this happens the adults just have to make sure to keep the two kids as far apart as possible to prevent problems from occurring.
Believe it or not, this happens among adults as well, so I had to develop a “Block User” feature that allows users to block one another when they just can’t get along.
So what happens when you block another user on FetLife you do not get along with:
I also watch the block list so that if someone is being blocked by many different people I can start asking questions.
How do I block a kinkster I am not getting along with you ask? Go to their profile and under their picture click “Block”… it is as simple as that!
Tell me what you think!
I have been exchanging emails back and forth with TwistedA and he just recently introduced me to a new term: Heteroflexible
‘Heteroflexible’ was a term that BlackOrchid introduced to me, to help me better self-identify. My understanding is that it basically says to the world, “yes, I’m a person who loves people of the other sex (=heterosexual) but I’m also a very open-minded person who won’t rule out some sort of sexual encounter at some point with a person of the same sex”. Thus, giving rise to the combination of the two words “heterosexual” and “flexible”. It also suggests that while I may normally prefer the opposite sex I’m not entirely “straight” in the traditional sense.
The reason I like that term so much is that the other similar terms don’t really ring true for me. To me, ‘bisexual’ means someone who’s interested in exploring not only occasional contact but also fully realized relationships with people of both genders. To me, ‘bi-curious’ seems like someone who hasn’t made up their mind yet. It could mean someone who really isn’t sure whether or not they might want those contacts and relationships someday so is leaving the door open. And that’s why I’m not really comfortable identifying with either of those terms.
Whereas ‘heteroflexible’, in my mind, sets a clear definition of who I am and what possibilities I’m leaving open. I’m not really bi, but I have made up my mind. So I’m neither of the other two terms. I primarily identify as a heterosexual, but I’m completely open-minded about interacting with another guy, though am not interested in a true bi-sexual relationship.
I really think popularizing this term heteroflexible is very important. There is a big gap between bi-curious and bi-sexual and Heteroflexible fills it.
For me bisexual means you like both sexes equally and bi-curious means you have never been with the opposite sex before but once you are you might consider liking both men and women equally once you do try.
Part of me even says we do not even need bi-curious anymore. Bi-curious is not a sexual orientation, it just means you want to be sexual with someone of the opposite sex so you can requestion your sexual orientation and bi-curious is not a sexual orientation by itself.
I have gotten a couple really interesting emails from people that is leading me to requestion the sexual orientations that are listed on FetLife. This is good! :-)
UPDATE: Thanks to MasterABD for looking up Heteroflexible in the Urban Dictionary for us:
“A person who enjoys sex with both male & females but considers themselves heterosexual in the sense that they do not relate with the same sex for an emotional relationship like a bi-sexual could. Heteroflexible is a heterosexual person that is beyond the bi-curious stage but would never engage in an emotional relationship with the same sex.”